Dear 15 year old me

16 Nov

Dear 15 year old me,

It’s 2000. The past couple of years have been a whirlwind of emotion; you’ve been thrust into a new country, new school, new way of life, and separated from half of your family–all in the short span of one year. After your initial nervousness, you’re now really starting to enjoy school. You have already started to form strong friendships with the girls at school. You love being around girly girls for the first time; your new American friends have taught you all about makeup, how to pluck your eyebrows, and even helped you dye your hair! Although this is fun, it doesn’t necessarily look good– believe it or not, your peroxided hair isn’t workin’ for ya, sorry… It’s made worse by the stark contrast between your jet black eyebrows and Billy Idol colored hair, but whatever. And if we’re going down that path, that cigarette hanging out of your mouth isn’t too cute either….and neither is your bum crack hanging out of those new low ride jeans. Don’t worry, you’ll learn to laugh at all of these things in due time, for now, just enjoy getting to experiment and have fun with your girlfriends! I mean it…really enjoy the time you have in Oklahoma- because the future you wishes that I had taken more time to appreciate where I was instead of ALWAYS wishing I was somewhere else. Unfortunately, you still have an incurable case of wanderlust. You still haven’t lived in Europe yet, that is something we both still desire (we’ll get there.) We have, however, been to London, Paris, Mexico, Singapore, New York, San Francisco and have visited every state in Australia. Pretty cool, huh?

Boys at school are noticing you for the first time in your life! This makes you feel like a real life girl, instead of just your brothers’ sister. You tend to lose your cool around boys you like; things like forgetting how to speak basic English become common place whenever Ryan* comes walking down the hall and offers you a sideward glance and quick smile. You think you hide this awkwardness well….um….you don’t. Not much has changed, sorry– but not to worry, because your future self finds this endearing. And come to find out years later, so did Ryan* 🙂

I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re first kiss is horrible! Someone bites the other persons tongue. I’m not pointing fingers,
but let’s just say…….it’s you. This moment leads to the kind of awkwardness that permeates the whole car, and settles around the both of you. Soak that awkwardness up girlfriend, because you’ll be laughing about this exact moment with your friends for years to come. Oh, and in about a year you should definitely go out with Ted* when you first find out he likes you– today he’s traveled the world and looks like an Abercrombie and Fitch model ( complete with a six pack) Don’t do what I did, and ignore him! *face palm*

You’re anxiety is holding you back. Unfortunately, after years of ignoring your emotions, you will have a massive wake-up call at 19.
This is where your anxiety will take a year of your life, and it will feel like emotional suicide. This year, however, provides you with the most emotional and spiritual growth of your life thus far. You learn from this life changing experience, and become stronger and more confident in yourself and your abilities.

Chelsea, you’re a lot smarter than you think you are, and a lot stronger that you have been lead to believe. You’re funny and deserving of all the friends you have. Your mind is FULL of confusion, you feel like a fish out of water–a loner, and you feel like you don’t quite fit anywhere. In the next year and throughout high school you will be surrounded by people, but will ultimately still feel alone—this is all normal! You mustn’t be too hard on yourself for feeling these things- you will learn and mature from these emotions. And, guess what? 10 years on, not much has changed, we’re still learning and maturing! These feeling really haven’t changed, but your acceptance of them has. You are a closet introvert; this is something that you will learn to love about yourself.  You dream big, and love to read and think about life’s greatest questions. Your fascination with the world around you lives on in your future self, and shows no sign of slowing down.

Here’s some advice from future me:

  • Please please don’t be frightened, YOU.ARE.GOING.TO.BE.OK- I promise.
  • Learn to slow down, and laugh more!
  • You over analyze WAY too much, relax!
  • You’re not broken. There’s nothing wrong with you, you just do and learn some things slower than others. You will learn to accept that EVERYONE matures, learns and grows at their own pace. This is normal, and what areas you think you are lacking in, you make up for 10 fold in others.

KNOW THIS: You are a free-spirit, and are creative. You always have been, you just never recognized it (or more appropriately, never learned
to own it) because you’d heard otherwise your entire life. Those feeling you get when you are creating something are wonderful—learn to trust your inner self.

Although you don’t love you—you future self does.

Take care, Chelsea. You’re going to be fine…more than fine. I promise 🙂

P.S Listen to *Lisa, she’s right; Chris is gay, in fact, he’s gayer than a diamond studded door knob. It’s not that he finds you unattractive *high
five*

*** I have chosen to change these boys real names in order to avoid further embarrasement on my part LOL 🙂

3 Responses to “Dear 15 year old me”

  1. zach maddern November 22, 2011 at 9:08 am #

    Awesome Piece! Really funny, and i think everyone can identify with parts of it. Keep up the self exploration…

  2. Grant November 23, 2011 at 1:57 am #

    bum crack showing not a good look ahahah

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